Aimless. Overwhelmed. Disappointed. This is how I've been feeling for the past year. In fact, I'm still feeling this way to an extent.
Aimless. I used to know exactly what I wanted. What direction I was headed, and how to get there. I worked hard and achieved at various levels. I have no idea where to go from here. What direction to turn, and what to expect. I'm walking aimlessly and I don't like it. It's an uncomfortable feeling.
Overwhelmed. Trying to juggle my jobs, my friends, my family, and what I'd rather be doing....well, let's just say that not only my physical, but my mental health is suffering.
Disappointed. There are way too many disappointments to name here. Nor do I want to drag out my laundry list of issues for everyone. Let's just say that disappointments have made me reevaluate my expectations--both of myself and of others. Not that reevaluating is a bad thing, but it wasn't what I had planned on doing.
I've reached a decision. I've had E.N.O.U.G.H.
Each year, most people come up with a laundry list of resolutions. Things they want to accomplish within the year. I stopped trying to make resolutions because I, like many others, broke them before even a month was up.
Instead, I've been subscribing to the one word theory, that has suddenly become a "trend" out there in the real world. Last year's word was BALANCE. Unfortunately, it seemed like the more I tried to have balance in my life, the crazier things seemed to get. (Hence my feelings above.)
I HATE failure. Maybe it's because of my OCD, or maybe it's because of my "type-A" personality, but I hate to fail. I'm a perfectionist to the core--even though I'm getting better at hiding it from others.
The perfectionist in me wanted to choose a new word. Actually, not a new word, but last year's word. Kind of like a do-over. A mulligan, if you will.
After a lot of thought and endless prayer, I've finally reached a decision. I AM choosing a word for the year.
After praying and praying and asking for guidance on what I should do, I was given the answer. Several times over in fact. In my Bible studies, emails, and even this morning during our pastor's sermon. I figure if God thinks it's important enough for me to hear it several times, I should probably pay attention.
My word for 2013 is:
My NIV Bible says in Matthew 11:28-30:
28: "Come to me , all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29: Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30: For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Without getting into a complete sermon, rest does not mean no activity. It just means that I'm giving God the reigns. I'm letting Him lead me. Reread the passage again. It specifically says "take my yoke upon you." A yoke is what farmers use to put on the animals who are working the land. With the yoke, they are pairing up workers (me) and the farmer (God) controls the reigns. God also promises that things (burden) will be lighter and that my soul will find rest.
Rest sounds pretty good to me right now. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of trying to do everything on my own and not asking for God's help in everything. Resting in Him sounds absolutely divine. My soul is weary. I don't want to carry these burdens of life on my own anymore. Gentleness and Humbleness give me peace in my heart. I want this year to be a year of Rest.
Do you have a "one word" for the year? If so, I encourage you to turn it in to a #Pic4Year like I did above. A visual daily reminder of what you want to achieve this year.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!