The One Success Habit You Can't Do Without by Dr. Fred Ray Lybrand

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Dr. Fred Ray Lybrand

and the book:

The One Success Habit You Can't Do Without

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (August 17, 2012)

***Special thanks to Rick Roberson for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Fred Lybrand is a communicator and father of five who has been married for over 30 years and has the diverse combination of having formally studied law, speech communications, systems thinking, linguistics, writing, theology, marketing, structural dynamics, leadership/management and the human personality.

As the author of six books and a number of articles and co-founder of TrimTab Solutions (an energy industry consulting firm), Lybrand is currently focusing on the challenging puzzle of human productivity and high performance. The One Success Habit is his newest contribution to help individuals and organizations become more productive without yielding one ounce of being human. His client list includes the United States Air Force, State Farm Insurance, Valero, Chick-fil-A, Pioneer Natural Resources, Encana, Marathon Oil, Rose & Associates, Protrader, Burlington Resources, AcuFocus and Silver Creek Oil & Gas.


Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Organization, productivity and good habits all appear to be part of successful endeavors. However, many of us don't know how to use these to reach our goals with true success. Dr. Fred Ray Lybrand, motivational speaker, writer and "human behavior expert," with his newest release, The One Success Habit You Can't Do Without (Kauffman Burgess Press, February 2013), continues with his warm, witty conversational advice that brings fresh clarity to the age old question of how to get organized...get moving...and shift our actions towards a new level of daily success. .

Product Details:
List Price: $11.97
Paperback: 130 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (August 17, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1478326301
ISBN-13: 978-1478326304

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

What is Success to You?



A few years ago ‘de-motivator’ posters became all the rage. The idea was to send a message while offering a dark kind of comfort. Here are a couple of my favorite captions as best my memory serves;



If at first you don’t succeed…maybe failure is your thing


Perhaps your life is just to serve as a warning to others


The first had a dejected baseball player sitting on the bench, and the second had a half-sunken barge in the middle of the ocean. Almost immediately we all get the importance of success, but think a little deeper…



Why Does Success Matter?



On the surface, success matters because failure is so bad.



It does seem that most people operate with this kind of thought in the back of their minds somewhere. You know, it’s simple. If you don’t have money, friends, a lover, and stuff…life will be awful. Then again, I’ve worked with people over the years who fret over their money, are frustrated with their friends, want to get away from their lover, and are pretty bored with their stuff. In this kind of circumstance we find the first key to succeeding. Success is always relative. Success is always a ‘compared to what’ phenomenon. Success is driven by, and dies by, comparison. Are you a success? According to whom or according to what standard?



Honestly it just gets down to definitions.



Toward a Definition of Success



Clear definitions can solve all kinds of problems, especially conflicts.



Just definitions either prevent or put an end to disputes. -Emmons



Isn’t that true? Haven’t you seen an argument suddenly stop because someone said, “Oh, I thought you meant...” The debate was in full motion because the facts were not clear.



Now think about success. What is your definition of success? How will you know when you get there? On any particular project or subject matter, how can you know a single step to take unless you’ve defined what success for that thing will be?



It isn’t just for ‘big picture’ things either. The definition of success can matter for any item. How much money do you need to be a success? How much money do you need to be able to give away to be a success? Does it matter if the money is on paper, or do you need to be able to get to it? Change it to family---What does it mean to be a successful father, mother, or child? Is your children’s success a part of your definition of success? If they fail do you also fail?

Most of the time we have not done the most basic of things---we have not defined our terms. Here are a few ways to ask the question for your own benefit.



What does success mean to me?



When will I know I’m a success?



How will I know I am a success at home, the office, in friendships, in love, etc.?



Is there an area I have already succeeded in that I can learn from? What was my definition of success?



It is high-time you define success in order to know what you are doing and why you are doing it. If you fail to sit down and clarify your own definition of what it means to be a success, then you have no real way to organize your actions or know when you’ve arrived. That may be the reason you have never defined it…if you don’t define success, then you can never fail. Quite a strategy you have there, but there is one problem: Just because you never fail, it doesn’t mean you have succeeded! Having no enemies doesn’t mean you have lots of friends. You can still just be alone.



Thoreau’s point that most people die with the ‘song still in them’ comes to the essential point of definition. If you haven’t admitted you want to sing a song, or haven’t admitted that the song is a ballad---well, then the song will stay inside till you die. If you won’t start working on your definition of success, then quit reading this book and throw away your library on the subject. Nothing happens without a definition.



In many ways definition is more useful than vision. Defining a successful outcome of a meeting, a project, a business, or a life, can take care of the vision issue. Honestly, isn’t a definition of a successful outcome the real vision you need?



My Definition of Success



It seems only fair for me to give you my own definition of success.



Frankly, this definition is a composite of elements I’ve found to be crucial through the years. Parts may be plagiarized, but it isn’t intentional. In the history of the literature and the years of reflective reading, some of these things get so often quoted we think they are original with ourselves. If you show me who said what (from Epictetus to Napoleon Hill to Billy Graham), I’ll be glad to note the reference. In the meantime, here’s how I frame the word

SUCCESS:



Success is achieving what is meaningful to me through the use of my best talents; without violating the rights or freedom of others and without offending God.



Well, there is a lot here, so allow me to make a few comments on each part as it might relate to you.



• Achieving what is meaningful to me – Essentially this is about getting what you genuinely want or desire, but it considers how meaningful the accomplishment is to you as an individual. When you create a result that you want you are basically successful. Yet, we often don’t feel it because it wasn’t meaningful to begin with. The starting place is to let go of what everyone else is demanding (or you imagine they are demanding) in order to learn to be true to yourself. If it isn’t meaningful to you, then why create it?



• Through the use of my best talents – Maybe you can create the results you want through your

lesser talents, but I wouldn’t bet on you. ‘Nature’ has certainly designed you for something, or given you capacities to use in particular ways. These capacities need development in order to become skills. It is your love for the activity that allows the 10,000 hours you will invest to become a true master. Yet, even starting out, you are better than most people at certain things without much practice. These areas are where your talents live…and on balance, they are the means through which you will succeed.



• Without violating the rights or freedom of others – If you destroy people (or their property) on the way to success, you are still a big fat failure. Sorry for the moralizing, but that’s the way it goes. What goes around comes around. You will reap as you sow. The Golden Rule is true. Attempting to manipulate and control others is tantamount to lying and cheating, which on any plane is failure. The reason manipulation amounts to cheating is that you are effectively removing the other person’s choice when you manipulate…unless she can say, “No,” then her answer is never a legitimate, “Yes.”



• Without offending God – Now, this is clearly added because it is unique to me and my life

orientation. If you are an atheist, scratch this part. Then again, if you are an atheist you don’t think you can offend God since He doesn’t exist--- so, you might as well leave it in! For the rest of us who believe in a Creator who is sovereign over all of His creation, it seems wise to take into consideration His standards. This doesn’t have to be a set of rules, but it does mean that at least on the level of conscience we would be wise to stay decent in His eyes.



Well, there’s my definition and you are welcome to borrow it, amend it, or toss it as you see fit. The reason I wrote it down was to create a context for my succeeding. What I pursue and how I feel about it really makes sense with this definition. The definition also helps me consider (or reject) possibilities that come my way.



Your Definition of Success



How about you? What is your definition of success?



Why not take a moment and write down something on a scrap of paper? If you don’t define success, how will you know if you ever make it? How will you know if the steps you are pursuing will get you to what you really want in succeeding?



Pardon the illustration, but I remember asking my father, “When did you first realize you were a man?” He thought for a moment and said, “It was when I went home from college and smoked in front of my parents.” Even as I write this I want to stress that I loved my dad and learned a mountain of valuable insights from him. However, on the definition of being ‘a man’, that’s about as silly as it comes. It certainly never organized his life like a better definition might have, and it certainly didn’t give me what I needed as to direction. My 4 sons all memorized a definition I heard from Robert Lewis during a trip to Little Rock. “A man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and looks for the greater reward.”



It has been a joy to watch my sons all check, challenge, and cheer for one another as they’ve grown toward manhood. Definitions can make a huge difference.



Don’t underestimate the importance of working out your own definition of success; it will guide you toward wherever it points. Choose carefully, but choose now and improve it tomorrow.



The Need of the Moment



The need of the moment is for you to get started on a definition of success.



In a writing course (see it at www.advanced-writing- resources.com) I developed to help others overcome the same crippling fear of writing I had, I explain that writing occurs in three stages:



1. OK

2. Get Help

3. Make It Great



The idea is simply that most of us try to write something great from the moment we find pen and paper. The truth is that you can’t start with perfect.



You can start with OK, however. Honestly, can you write an “OK” definition of success? Your definition of success should be nothing fancy and nothing to publish; just something OK.



Can you write that kind of a definition? Of course you can, and then you can get help with it. Show it to a trusted friend or two and see what they would add or take away. Play with it over a few days or weeks. Read it aloud and see what you think. Your definition can be a living thing and may take new shapes over the years. Nonetheless, your definition will give you a starting place.



Of course, it would be easier just to copy my definition down on a 3x5 card and reflect on it. I may have already saved you the time and hassle. Regardless, please make sure it is your own definition because you ‘own’ it.



Now, having a great definition of success is still meaningless unless you finally embrace one thing…

Dynamic Uno here: When I first saw this book up for review I pounced on the chance to read it.  After all, one habit to be successful?  Really?   Plus, I had read Glaen by Dr. Lybrand and loved it, so I figured this would be a good book too.

The One Success Habit arrived in the mail and I was first taken aback by the brevity of the book.  It's only 130 pages.  I was trying to figure out how a habit could be explained within such a short framework, but then I remembered that it was only one habit, so I stopped trying to figure it out and started reading.

Despite the shortness of the book, there are a lot of pieces of information within.  Each chapter really should be read in order (for those of you that like to skip and skim) because the information builds upon itself from section to section and chapter to chapter.  I recommend even reading it in one sitting, or the information will seem discombobulated, especially if you're bad about remembering the facts you read before. (Guilty as charged.)

If you're unable to read the book in one full sitting, I recommend that you request the workbook and complete it as you read so that you have a plan in place for how you want to use the habit.  Go to the website and view the videos Dr, Lybrand offers to help explain some of the points.


Reading The One Success Habit made me realize some of the errors in the way I think about productivity and setting goals.  Many times I wanted to smack myself in the head and go "Duh!" because Dr. Lybrand explained things so simply.  It was almost a "why didn't I think of that?" moment-only it happened repeatedly.

All in all the book was pretty good.  It did seem like more of a sales pitch for his other products and courses at the beginning, but towards the end his examples of using the habit were better explained and elaborated, and his points were better established. 

Since I wasn't able to read The One Success Habit in one sitting, I think I am going to re-read the book and complete the workbook at the same time.  This way I have a course of action to take when school starts up next year.  (I'm currently re-evaluating my systems and expectations for the running of the library.  My hope is that I can establish The One Success Habit to run my library classroom more efficiently and productively.)

So, if you're looking for a good book to read about establishing habits and being more efficient or productive, you've stopped at the right place.  The One Success Habit You Can't Do Without by Dr. Fred Ray Lybrand is the book for you!

Let me know what you think!  Happy Reading!

Enjoy Valentine's Day--Avoid the Blues by Fred R. Lybrand, Author of Glaen

Enjoy Valentine’s Day—Avoid the Blues

© Fred R Lybrand, Author of Glaen 

 

Jeremy visited a florist’s shop which showed a large sign that read, “Say It With Flowers.” “Wrap up one rose, please,” Jeremy demanded of the florist’s assistant. “Only one?” she enquired frowning. “Ah yes just the one,” Jeremy replied. “I’m a man of very few words.”

Market researchers deduced from their survey that eight million Americans send Valentine’s Day gifts to themselves.

Valentine’s Day is a day of amazing impact. Almost everyone who plays up the day experiences the “Blues,” you know, feeling sad about a loss or failure. Blues music grew up as a way to cope with the plight of such feelings and literally tries helping the Blues listener to “feel good about feeling bad.” Unfortunately, nothing takes the Valentine’s Blues away except time and the hope that next year will be better.

So, what are the Valentine’s Blues and how can we avoid them? The Valentine’s Blues come because of disappointment in one of two ways.

The first kind of blues comes when you don’t have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. It starts in early February, building up to the “big day”—hitting rock bottom on February 14.

No matter how you pitch it, it makes you feel left out and unloved on some level if everyone else is getting flowers, going out for the evening, or being treated special. It stinks to feel left out. No wonder eight million Americans send themselves a Valentine’s Day gift. However, it doesn’t seem so bad on February 15th once the stores move on to Easter decorations.


The second kind of blues comes to those who celebrated Valentine’s in a big way, only to start clutching the disappointment the very next day (and the days to come) because it’s back to life as usual. When it comes to love and romance, “usual” is not what we want.

The blues can be worse for the second group because they’re long-term. We’ve all experienced it in some way or another: the excitement of Valentine’s Day, the romance, and the presents, similar to Christmas, but all about romantic love.

We humans like to feel special, and on that special day there is nothing more exciting than the build-up to the event—one incredible evening, just you and that one person. The two of you in love and enraptured with all that special day could offer.

Fast forward to the next day or two. How do you feel? The next day you are smiling for a moment at the memory of a day when his/her attention was only on you. But now, back to work, and a lurking feeling of sadness is peering over the fence at you. Will it be a whole year before you have another night like that?

You try to be logical and sober-minded, telling yourself that it was a good memory to bask in, and yet you know deep down something is amiss. Something is wrong. Finally, you scream inside (and try quickly to forget it), “Why can’t we be in love all year long?”



The Cure for the Valentine’s Blues

The blues you experience are invented, because the Day itself was invented. It’s marketing, that’s all. Yet, with Valentine’s Day there is something more—it is a day built on romance. Oddly enough, romance often works counter to true love.

Consider what romance is in reality. My friend Robert Fritz observed that, “Romance is the suspension of the norm.” Think about it this way: romance is where we clean up (don’t smell like ourselves), dress up (don’t look like ourselves), and go somewhere special (and don’t act like ourselves)! None of this is bad as long as you realize it is not real, that it is just a game. Okay, it’s a fun game, but it is still just a game. True love happens in the “norm.” It happens in the real world of your daily experiences.

In reality, I don’t believe there is much “real” about romance as it is commonly pitched. In truth, it damages both our dating relationships and our marriages to make romance itself the goal. The romantic standards can get so high that we can’t appreciate the real things right in front of us. Romance can be an equal opportunity destroyer—harmful for both men and women.


I’ve known men whose romantic standards were so high they would never go out on dates, or they wouldn’t ask the woman out again. I’ve also known women who live for the fairy tale wedding, but in time divorce to seek out the wedding-fantasy all over again.

The cure for the Valentine’s Blues is to simply recognize that it is a made up day. If you don’t have a special someone in your life on one particular day, why should it feel different than the day after? If you want to play the romance game, then play it, but remember it really is just a game. Pretending the Day itself proves or influences the love in your life, however, will really suck you into despair most of the time.

If you have a special someone, it is far better to find the love in every day. The day-to-day normal world is with you all the time in terms of work and laundry and colds and tragedies and funny moments. This is where true love grows and binds and matures. If you seek love in the suspension-of-normal world of romance, then you can only experience the diminishing return of, “But what have you done for me lately?” Each experience must top the last one when you fall into a quest to escape from life. True love is not an escape; it is nourishment to see us through the mundane parts that make up our daily lives.

Pause for a moment and notice that a love relationship is about building a life together. Tell the truth, both the good and bad, and work through it together. If you want to play the game, then dress up and go out! Pretend you are rich, or just met, or just got back from being a contestant on Survivor. It doesn’t much matter because you are playing a game that you take for what it is; it’s merely Valentine’s Day. A day brought to you by the card and candy industry…with some hope that you will find a special moment, made better by a special purchase! Make it great, but make it important! You’ll thank me in the morning.

Author Fred Lybrand takes an in-depth look into relationships and dating, plus offers a little common sense for the real day-to-day world, in his book, Glaen. Lybrand wants others to know the freedom that can be found in relating to others truthfully and without pretense. In his presentation of thought-provoking ideas, Lybrand first uncovers the lies of a secular world-view and then counters those lies with the truth of God’s design for the marriage relationship.

The life-changing principles found in Glaen are the gems Lybrand wants readers to take and experience in their own lives and relationships. The book serves as a great teaching tool for parents to use with their children as well as for church leaders guiding couples who are seeking a more satisfying marriage relationship. The Glaen Small Groups Study Guide is now available as a free download at www.glaen.com.

As a side note, I have read Glaen and thoroughly enjoyed it.  You can read my review here. 

**Special thanks to Audra at B & B Media Group for providing this article for me to post.  

Glaen by Fred R. Lybrand

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Fred Lybrand

and the book:

Glaen

The Barnabas Agency (February 14, 2010)

***Special thanks to Audra Jennings - Senior Media Specialist - The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Maybe it’s because his dad was a lawyer and state legislator, or maybe it’s because he grew up in Alabama with something to prove, or maybe he just found a good use for his self-proclaimed ADHD, but whatever the cause, Fred Lybrand has become a careful thinker in a number of disciplines. If you are looking at a topic with Dr. Lybrand, then you are guaranteed to see things like you never have before. “I finally discovered that I’m one of those unfocused students that just likes to learn everything. I guess God made me to be a knowledge broker—I learn some hopefully useful information and then give it to others who need it,” Lybrand describes of his own love for learning and teaching.

Lybrand attended the University of Alabama and majored in English Literature, with a double-minor emphasis in speech communication and fiction writing. He went on to teach the introductory speech communications class while also attending law school at Alabama. A hunger to understand the Word of God, however, led him to withdraw in order to pursue theological studies at Dallas Theological Seminary. Lybrand graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary in 1989 and received a doctorate from Phoenix Seminary, 2007.

In January 2010, Dr. Lybrand retired from a 24-year career as a pastor of two churches in Texas. At Midland Bible Church he helped build a church which has launched ministries in several continents (including successful church-planting efforts in Uganda), as well as serving as a founding board (and faculty) member for Midland Classical Academy, a Socratic-method based high school. The school provides a “classical education” focused on teaching students through the Socratic Method using classical books, interactive science and math, logic, fine arts, and the creative process—all built on the foundation of the Bible. At Northeast Bible Church (Evangelical Free Church) in the San Antonio area, Dr. Lybrand helped redesign the church to grow as a disciple-making center for promoting the grace of God. Teaching and counseling in the church context has been a long-term focus of Lybrand’s labors.

Visit the author's website.



Product Details:

List Price: $14.99
Paperback: 176 pages
Publisher: The Barnabas Agency (February 14, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0578046520
ISBN-13: 978-0578046525

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Mother called the week before I met Glaen Breuch.


“So, that's it?” I said with a tinge of anger.


“I'm afraid it is, dear,” a soft and matter-of-fact voice responded.


“Mom, you just want a divorce? You don't want to work at it or get some counseling or something?” I pleaded.


“No Annie, it's over. I've tried and tried, but your father just isn't what I want for the rest of my life. Can't you just be happy for me?” Mother asked.


Suddenly Annie found herself floating, feather-like, away from the phone and experiencing what most people think a drowning person experiences; a life full of joy and promise, in the last moments of gasping for air, she sees a replay of that life. Annie saw the day her baby sister came home from the hospital. Mom and Dad were so happy, and Annie as a little girl couldn't find her sister's feet; she kept looking under the baby-carrier instead of under the blanket. They all laughed for days.


Next, Annie remembered her granddaddy's death and how her mother was so kind to her dad, and how her dad praised mother to everyone in the small town where he grew up. Other memories flooded her mind, moving from ancient black-and-white scenes to vivid full-color images. Most recently she had been in church, seated between her parents, and basking in the wonder of family; hoping for a marriage like theirs. But Annie snapped awake.


“Be happy for you?” I said with amazement. “How can I be happy for you? You are running away to ruin your relationship with Dad and mess up our family forever. You seem happy enough. I don't think you need my help.”


“Annie, my relationship with your dad is already ruined. Honey, the one way I've failed you was to not really help you understand about love. You were always your Daddy's girl anyway, so I never could really tell you how I felt. I don't think I understand relationships, but I'm going to learn about them. Honey, I know you don't understand relationships; just look at what's happened with your boyfriends.”


“Boyfriends?” Annie thought to herself. There were just two; one in high school and one in college. Both of the boys were nice guys who doted, and spent, on Annie. She just wanted to have fun, and she did, for a while. In the same six month period with each guy, Rodney and Pierre, they both turned to the same serious conversation with her about “dating just each other.” Annie could still feel the panic as her stomach tightened and her lungs closed off from the air in the room. She had mysteriously decided she didn't like either of them; and in time she believed it deeply. The only hint she had that perhaps a mistake lived on, was that she saved the letter from Pierre in her dresser drawer back home. Both guys were married now, at least she had heard about their engagements. But now the thought of her past brought Annie back to the room, and to the moment. “Mother, what about your relationship with God? What about your marriage vow before Him?” I asked as a sincere question.


“God wants us happy, dear. I've been miserable for years. I love you children, and now that you're grown, I can follow my dreams. I felt dead, but now I feel alive. Annie, I know it is hard to understand, but I just know God is in this because I'm so wonderfully happy now.”


“Mom…I love you, but what you're doing can't be right. I'm not going to do this to my family,” I said.


“Well, good luck, Honey. I'm going out to dinner and I haven't finished dressing,” she said in a mother-knows-best way.


“Could I give you one piece of advice that would have changed all of this for me?”


“Sure Mom,” I said.


“Annie dear, be sure you marry the right person; don't stand in your wedding dress with doubts in your bouquet.”


We hung up, and I cried for a long time before I could pray. “God, my mother says she doesn't understand relationships, and she's my mom! Then she says I don't understand them either. Please help me to understand.”


Back then I had no idea that prayer was the sort of thing God took seriously.

___________________________________________________


Glaen Breuch was unusual, even for a college professor.


It was only two weeks before that I had signed up for his Masters class called, “Original Non-Fiction.” Jennah and I had been sitting at Polmier's Coffee Shoppe, a little place with hardwood floors full of serious students and a few silly girls. “What are you going to take for your last class?” Jennah asked. I was irritated. “Gee, Jennah, I just decided now to take classes at all.” She knew how upset I was about Mom and Dad's sudden divorce announcement, so she ignored it and asked again.


“I've prayed all week about it. I wish I could take a class on how relationships really work, but nothing in school is ever practical.” I still remember saying those words when Glaen walked in the Shoppe. He had striking white hair that made a great wave until it crashed above his right eye. Wire-rimmed glasses, herringbone jacket, too many books; all these made Glaen look like the ideal professor. He insisted on being called Glaen rather than “professor” or “mister,” but I didn't know why until months later.


Exactly fifteen years ago I saw Glaen in the Shoppe. Now I am about to see him again. I bet he hasn't changed a bit, but of course how could he?


That day in Polmier's, Glaen walked up to us as an answer to prayer. “Hi ladies,” he said. “I couldn't help overhearing your conversation about classes. I'm a new instructor here at St. Michael's, but I'm a bit late in arriving.” Suddenly his awkward grasp gave way and all of his books and papers clamored to the wood floor. Only one pink sheet remained in his hand. “Oh, here it is,” ignoring the pile at his feet. “I'm teaching this class over the next two semesters. If you're interested, just show up as it says here.” With that Glaen gathered his books and left the Shoppe, cluttered but unembarrassed. From that moment on, all I could think about was how curious both the class and the professor seemed. I was in!


“Welcome class. My name is Glaen, pronounced with a long 'a' as in 'gain.'” He started the Original Non-Fiction class, ONF101 as the flier labeled it, right on time. Without skipping a beat he handed out the syllabus and asked with eyes that swept the room, “Are there any questions before we begin?”


I looked around totally bewildered as I raised my hand. “Yes, and your name is Anne?” he asked. “Well, they call me Annie, but I do have a question,” I said.


“OK Annie, what's your question?” I was still in a self-absorbed mood, so I put a little “dumb blonde” in my voice. “Like…ah…I'm the only student in the room…and, ah…is the class going to make or something?” I wanted to ask why in heaven's name he was acting like the room was full, but it seemed like a dumb move on the first day.


“Well Annie, since it's a new class the powers-that-be have given me permission to teach it even if you're the only one. Ready to start?” he asked, taking my silence for a “yes.”


Glaen wrote the following on the board and asked, “What do you think?”


“JUST DEFINITIONS EITHER PREVENT OR PUT AN END TO DISPUTES”

- Emmons


“Who's Emmons?” I said.


“Does it matter? What if I said it was written by Poe, or Shelley, or Whitman? Would it make a difference? Is it what is said or who said it?” suddenly Glaen had me thinking.


“I guess it doesn't matter,” I said.


“Then what do you think?” he returned.


“I think it sounds reasonable,” I admitted.


“Great!” Glaen took off with a quick lecture on the importance of words and their meanings. He finally got to the point.


“Annie, I've watched conflict for a long time. Seldom is there a conflict that can withstand agreed-to definitions. The reason is pretty simple: Truth still wins out. It's bad enough when two people disagree about what is expected in a relationship. It's even worse when they aren't using the same language. A dictionary or the question, 'What do you mean?' can do more to end conflict than almost anything else on the planet. One of my favorite authors once wrote, 'Truth is the lifeblood of real relationships.'”


“Why?” I asked.


“Well, let me ask you a question. If you change your behavior from how you really are to what they want; is it you relating, or is it the character you're playing?”


With that Glaen started to put his books in a much-needed satchel.


“Is that it?” I asked.


“There's nothing else to know for today,” he said.


“Nothing else to know! What about non-fiction? What about writing? What's the assignment?” I said with a little contempt.


“Oh, that,” he said flatly.


“Well, you need to write an original work of non-fiction, offering original insights on a useful topic. It doesn't matter what the topic is, but I would suggest you write about something you care about, something you'd like to understand. I'll be in this room every week at this same moment. I'm available to help you when you want it.”


Glaen looked at me for a long time, staring right through me with his steady blue eyes, framed by his white hair and white button-down shirt.


“Annie,” he added. “Decide on your topic by next week and I'll show you the secret of good non-fiction. There's a book in your future, and I want to show it to you.” Glaen turned and moved out of the room with the grace of a ballet dancer. I just sat there for a long time before I left. The Coffee Shoppe was finally calling.



SUMMARY

Truth is the lifeblood of real relationships.

Dynamic Uno here: When I first received Glaen in the mail, I couldn't help but notice it's stark cover with the bright sky blue and lime green cover with a "to go" coffee cup and a white feather.  Simplicity at its best.  Upon opening the book, I discovered that even the layout of the book was simple.  Being a bit taller and narrower than most paperbacks, the writing was condensed so that there was plenty of white-space around the text.  (In scrapbooking, white-space is used to draw attention to the most important part of the page--pictures and/or journaling.  In this case, I can't help but think this was intentional because the author mentions in the Prologue that "the book should be used to take notes" and to "mark it up.")

Annie is the main character in this story and has embarked upon a journey to "find the non-fiction novel inside of her" as the only student in "Professor" Glaen's Original Non-Fiction (ONF) class.  Having just learned some traumatic news, Annie is on a journey to find answers to the questions she has about relationships and what causes them to fail or to work.

I wasn't entirely sure what to expect when I first opened the book. Sure, I read the Prologue that said I would need to read through it at least twice--once for the story and second for the insights, but I kind of scoffed at that notion. After all, who has time to read a book more than once? Let me tell you--I was wrong. I found myself taking notes in my journal and rereading sections of the book so that I wouldn't miss any of the information being given. Annie's quest for what makes relationships last became my own and I found myself "testing theories" and "observing" those around me, much like she was doing in her assignments with Glaen. While I'm not as fast a learner as Annie, I did find many of the principles set in the book to be true.  I recommend this book for not only singles, but for those people who are "dating" and even those who are married.

Go out and get this book!  Happy Reading!